Some are willing, some are not.

I wouldn't say that our house is one that has an abundance of cash flow.  My husband is a carpenter and I stay at home with our children doing what I can for income from home.  Some days I am tempted to go back to work just so things aren't so tight financially, while others I am so thankful to have the privilege to pour into my babies as much as I can. 
Lately though, I've been struggling with our financially tightened belt.  I get green eyes easily. 

A few years ago we did a fabulous financial class called Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey.  It was SO beneficial for us.   I can't say we have all of the principals down yet, but we're working at it.  What we did walk away with though, was a total distaste for debt.  I can truly say I hate debt.  Bad enough that I am not willing to have Credit Cards, Equity Loans or Car payments.  Slowly...and I mean slowly...we are plugging away at existing debt so we can be free from slavery.  Truly that is how I view it.  Proverbs 22:7 says The borrower is slave to the lender....I've lived it and that is just how it feels to us. 

On those days when my eyes are green from envy and the desire to drain the account and go hog wild is looking like a great idea, I remember our journey and how long it has taken us to get this far and how hard it would be to start all over again.  I stay away from stores as much as possible.  I try not to get the "dream list" out too often.  I pray that God will help me to be content with what we do have and to teach my children the same lesson that I am trying to learn - Stuff doesn't bring lasting joy.  Jesus does.  It's a hard lesson for me.   I want.....often. 

Living this way is tough.  I keep reminding myself it's just a season.  Things will not always be this way if we are willing to work hard and spend less...for now. Even changing our view on WHY we want things is important too.  Do we (believers) consult God on what HE would want us to spend on or are we always selfishly looking for the next thing to satisfy a craving that only He can satisfy?  Some are willing to live this way...some are not.  We choose to work hard and spend less.  When the time comes that things aren't so tight, I hope we are able to keep focused on Him and His will....even with the money He entrusts to us. 

Kit Kat for breakfast

It's never a good sign when you're eating Kit Kat's for breakfast.   It's only Wednesday and it's already been "one of those weeks". 

I guess it started out on Easter.  I don't mean to pick that special day to complain, but let's just say our Easter was full of spirit...right down to the picture. 

 (This was my daughter not wanting to be put down for a picture.  I planted her next to the others and by the time I got in place for the photo, she was in full blown tantrum mode.) 

On Monday I was told one of my children would have to have braces (cha ching!) and then left the dentist's to go get their first pair of glasses! 

Tuesday I HAD to get some groceries.  So, off we went!  The new glasses, I think, have caused this little one some serious eye-workouts seeing they all of the sudden BARFED in the grocery store and then felt completely fine.  Ugh.  You've never seen a shopper abandon her cart so quickly.  No groceries right now - just get me out of this store! There's lots more I could say about this day, but some things are better left unsaid. (ha, bet your wishing I had of left the last part out)

That leads me to today.  Got up WAY late.  Had 30 minutes to get 4 totally sleeping children dressed and off to school.  We were late.  Go figure. 

Hair was a little disheveled, although teeth were brushed...I can't say clothing was wrinkle free.  No sugar for my coffee  - it was left in that abandoned cart - and I'm not mature enough for coffee without sugar...yet. Bummer. 

Then.....

I remembered it was picture day.  BIG SIGH.  I called the school in a panic thinking I could run them down the proper looking attire for pictures and gel a hair or two....but nope...they've already been done.  

Which brings me to the Kit Kat for breakfast.  Who cares.  I'm eating it and I'm going to enjoy it. 



Knocked to my knees and thankful.

My last post was about how I was excited to find out that I had a form of pride lurking around in my life.  It certainly isn't something to brag about, however, can be exciting to see the sin issue before someone has to blatantly point it out to you.   I'm so thankful for God showing this to me.

Some things are so pretty, though, and not as easily caught.  A couple of days ago, I was knocked to my knees with yet another form of what I identify as pride.   Embarrassment and Humility.  I really hate to be called to the carpet with something I've done or even haven't done, but am responsible for.  I had to "man up" to the issue, confront it, apologize for it and take care of it.  Oh, the agony.  I was embarrassed and knocked down a peg on my "not doing so bad" list.  (**cough cough** pride!)

God is so wonderful though.  He tends to pursue us early on in our sin so we don't stray too far from Him, and I'm so thankful for that.  No, it usually isn't fun dealing with the issue, but like a child that has to be discipline for his poor choices, he gets to be restored to his parents usually by loving arms that reaffirm they still love him. I find this is how God works with me too (except there is no "usually" He ALWAYS welcomes me into his arms!) When I got home from dealing with the issue, I felt pretty low.  Yucky. Less than perfect by far.  I turned on my music to "escape" while I did some computer work and this is what played:  Shaken by Paul Baloche

Only a spotless lamb
For a sinner's soul
You gave me a heart of flesh
For a heart of stone
You brought me down to my knees
When I was full of pride
And took away all the places
I could hide

Those You love You will chasten

Everything that can be will be shaken
Everything that can be will be shaken
And only You remain
Only You remain

Wherever my treasure is
There my heart will be
I'm fixing my eyes on things
In the heavenlies
When everything is said and done
And swept away
I wanna be by Your side
In eternity

No Suffering for the moment
Is pleasant but it brings forth
The peaceful fruit of righteousness
Jesus my righteousness



He soothes my soul with the perfect song even after a little discipline - I'm so grateful.   Today I feel humbled, but fully loved by My God.